wedding vows Expressing individuality is becoming an increasing trend in today's wedding ceremonies. Writing your own vows and choosing original poetry and prose readings gives the guests a glimpse of yourselves on your wedding day. Here are some great ways to include your own words in your wedding ceremony.

Expressing individuality is becoming an increasing trend in today's wedding ceremonies. Writing your own vows and choosing original poetry and prose readings gives the guests a glimpse of yourselves on your wedding day. Here are some great ways to include your own words in your wedding ceremony.

Vows and Readings

Words Of Our Own

By Jennifer Baumann

So, you want to chuck tradition and write your very own words of love to one another? Being able to boil down all the feelings you have, write them down, and say them on the most nerve-racking day of your life takes some planning. Here are some tips to get you started.

So, you want to chuck tradition and write your very own words of love to one another? Being able to boil down all the feelings you have, write them down, and say them on the most nerve-racking day of your life takes some planning. Here are some tips to get you started.

Talk to Each Other
Before you begin composing your flourishes of eternal devotion, sit down and have a talk. Decide together how the vows will be arranged - do you want to say the same vow to one another, or do you want them to be different? Also, decide on a length - usually, 4 or 5 sentences is plenty. Finally, be sure to cover word choices - do you both want to include "I love you" or "You're my best friend" in the vow? Make sure this is clear before you start, so you're on the same page and nobody's taken off guard at the altar.

Not Kidding Around
Remember, your wedding vows probably represent the most serious commitment you'll ever make, so avoid inside jokes or stabs at humor for your audience. Choose carefully exactly what you want to say, and then simply say it.

How Do I Know What to Say?
Sometimes it can be difficult to say exactly how you feel for one another in just a handful of words, so we suggest that first you write down everything you'd want to say if you could. Here are some questions to ask yourself, to get your brain and your heartstrings going.

When did you meet, and where?
What state of mind were you in before you met?
When was the moment you realized you were in love? How did it feel?
Think about when you got engaged. Where were you? Do you remember the song that was playing, the meal you had, what you were wearing? What did it feel like?
What are three things that inspire you about your loved one?
What are the goals you are looking forward to together?
What have you learned from your love? And they from you?
What qualities do you believe will keep your marriage strong? Specifically how will you accomplish that?
Do you have novels, poems, or songs that make you think of your love? Write down special lyrics, or the meaning behind them. Why do they move you so?
Compare how you felt before you met to now. What's changed? In what ways do you see the world through "new eyes"?

Boil It Down
Once you can name the things that are important to you about the other person, and how you feel about committing to them, you can then begin to distill down the very basics of how you feel, and what you want to promise. Once you've answered all those questions, it becomes very clear where you want to head with your vows.

Practice Them - Together
I know, I know, you want it to be a "surprise". You don't want to give away your most precious promises until the drama of the altar unfolds. But (and it's only a suggestion!), you might want to hear each other's vows before the Big Day. You're going to be nervous, first of all, and you don't want any unexpected element to throw you. Also, you're going to be SO nervous, that I guarantee you (from experience) you won't remember a word they say, anyway. Practice saying your vows behind closed doors several times. You'll both cry with joy, you can work the kinks out in private, and you'll feel much more confident once you're in the hot seat.

Take a Deep Breath
Once you're at the altar, just before it's your turn to speak, stop everything, and take a deep breath. Enjoy the adrenaline, for a moment or two, of making a huge decision. And, be sure that when you begin to speak, you take your time and prounounce every word. Your guests will be able to hear you better, and you may be able to avoid the "total blank-out" brain-thing that happens during the ceremony.